do your goals align with your values?

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Welcome to my imperfect email.

As always, every week, we’ll send a question that will help you reflect on your own imperfect life, inspired by this week’s episode.

It’s time for a Dr Emisode!!!!! And we’re talking about goals!!! And Hugh’s bedtime!!? And Josh’s …….. vines?

GOOOOAAAAALLLLLLLL(s),

Bell

Unsure of your values? Have a listen to our recent episode with Kemi Nekvapil for some guidance.

We'd love to hear your answer to this question. If you're in the mood to get vulnerable and share your writing, send it through.

In this episode, Hugh, Ryan and Josh, with the help of Dr Em, talk through why goals may seem intimidating, and how to reconcile the idea that there is no growth when you are not changing.

Leading us into a very lovely introduction of a strengths-based approach to change, Dr Em explains SMART goals using Hugh’s bedtime as a real-life example. And for those with a particularly strong inner critic (or rocky relationship with goals), Dr Em gently guides Hugh, Ryan and, especially Josh, through the blessing of allowing ourselves some slack, leading from the feet up and engaging in committed action.

AND, we learn about temptation bundling and Hugh’s taste in music (not as dirty as it sounds).

Action before motivation. (46:06-47:08)

^{What’s one thing you could do, right now that gets you closer to your goal? If you have fitness goals, this might be putting on your runners and walking around the block. If you have creative goals, this might be writing one sentence. Small actions over time can contribute in a mighty way to your goal.}

Try out temptation bundling. (1:05:11-1:08:31)

^{What’s a chore you dislike, or something you find uncomfortable to do? Could you bundle the challenging thing, with something you love, to make you look forward to completing it?}

Do the VIA character strengths test. Then write your life story from the perspective of your strengths, rather than your deficits. (14:40-15:45)

^{Dr Emily talks about how using a strengths based approach can be an excellent way to begin, renew, or continue a relationship with goal setting. Crafting a narrative about your strengths, can help you realise how capable you really are.}

This year, I worked out that I value ‘generosity’. For some, the word ‘generosity’ might seem aspirational, but for me, it’s who I am, when I feel like the best version of myself.

It means being generous to myself and making sure I’m in a good place to give to others. It’s giving my time and whole heart to the people I love. It’s believing my work is a contribution to something good in the world. It’s creating fun experiences for my friends. It’s feeling filled with joy when I go to the blood bank to donate, knowing I’ve helped someone by sitting down and eating a doughnut!

I travelled overseas to some very remote places recently and while there’s lots of complexities regarding ‘generosity’ or ‘giving’ when you travel, I noticed something interesting about myself; I had two distinct reactions when someone asked me for money, or food (both desperately needed in the places I visited). I’m ashamed to say, that if someone asked me for money, I immediately felt tense, my body would freeze and I’d feel rushed by the request, a little unsafe and at times, sceptical.

These experiences made me aware that I grew up with a belief system that told me to protect my money at all costs. That money is something to be squirrelled and saved and that if I’m not careful, people might steal it. However, when someone asked me for food, I felt calm and went straight to the boot of the car to see what I could give. I felt empowered and safe enough to have a conversation with the person who needed something to eat and that led to me learning more about them and their life.

For me, the difference is, I’ve never wanted for food, so I wasn’t socialised to think I need to want for it. I was lucky enough to grow up in a house where food was abundant. I had siblings and we were encouraged to share. So, I developed a belief that no one should go hungry.

I’m only unpacking this in hindsight. At the time, I felt like I’d made the wrong decision whether I gave money, or not. And while there could be other reasons for that ‘wrong’ feeling, I believe an important one, is that my belief around money, didn’t align with my value of generosity, and my value of generosity, was clashing with what I’d been taught about money. I never felt wrong when I gave away food, it just felt like I was being me. It always led to connection and there was never a situation when it felt like the wrong thing to do.

So, while I work to untangle my beliefs around money and construct a new one that is more values aligned, I appreciate how these experiences showed me just how deeply I value generosity.

Bridge

This reflection is from Producer Bridge (you know, from the podcast). Thank you to Bridge for getting vulnerable and sharing her reflection with us, and with all of you!

Always vulnerable responsibly.

Did you know that we released a BRAND NEW DECK of Vulnerbilitea House questions?

Yep, that’s right. 52 BRAND NEW questions to get your vulny flowing.

In the colour of tequila sunrise, they’re hard to resist, but if you need some motivation, you can have a listen to Hugh, Ryan and Josh each answer a one of the BRAND NEW QUESTIONS, here.

Hit the shop button below to get yours today,

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