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Welcome to my imperfect email.

As always, every week, we’ll send a question that will help you reflect on your own imperfect life, inspired by this week’s episode.

There is only one thing better than having Esther Perel on the podcast.

And that, my friends, is having Esther Perel on the podcast FOR A SECOND TIME!

She answered all of our questions . . . which lead to more questions.

If you’ve ever asked yourself the below, this episode’s for you;

Trust me,

Bell

We'd love to hear your answer to this question. If you're in the mood to get vulnerable and share your writing, send it through.

In this Academy of Imperfection, Hugh (who sadly was violently ill last time we talked to Esther) comes armed with questions about the mental load (with love, from Penny), and how to navigate their differing needs for affection.

Ryan asks Esther whether we’re capable of falling in love with AI, and Josh wants to know why we sometimes put up walls with the ones we love the most?

“if you want to change the other, change yourself.” (28:14 - 28:32)

_{Coming in hot with complaints about your partner, to your partner, can really shut down what was meant to be a productive relationship check-in. Acknowledging your own shortcomings, and what you’re appreciative of, builds a better foundation for constructive relationship conversations.}

Say ‘sorry,’ first. (46:26 - 49:08)

_{According to Esther, the person who says they’re sorry first has the power to determine the next step of the conflict in the relationship. Shake off the ego and the shame, and take accountability for the ethics of your relationship.}

Manage your mental load. (59:25 - 1:07:21)

_{If you’re new to this concept, have a listen to Hugh & Penny’s Mental Load episode that broke the internet (here). If you’re a seasoned professional, this is great reminder to check in with your partner about how it’s all going, and maybe do a re-fresh of who’s in charge of what.}

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2025 was the year my family began to talk about death.

My mum’s eldest sister, my incredible aunt, received a shocking diagnosis. Primary central nervous system lymphoma, an aggressive brain tumour. Shortly after receiving this news, my aunt made a considered and brave decision. She would forgo treatment, she would call palliative care, and she would enquire about Voluntary Assisted Dying.

Voluntary Assisted Dying (VAD) is a legal, regulated process that allows those with an advanced, incurable, and progressive disease to request medical assistance to end their lives. My aunt, fiercely independent and educated, knew that this process was not just right for her, it was vital. She valued her quality of life, a life full of adventures and achievements and gratitude. Pursuing VAD meant she could remain active and pain free for a brief period before the expected sudden decline.

Suddenly, my family, including my elderly grandparents, needed to learn how to talk about death and we needed to learn fast. While we struggled to come to terms with our grief, my aunt was at peace. She expertly handled what she called her “death admin”. She also posted about her decision on social media, which meant that friends and family from across the decades and all over the world had the opportunity to tell her how much she meant to them. 

Through her actions and her attitude, my aunt showed us that we could, and should, talk about death.

It might not look like other families. It might be messy and confusing and funny and joyful. We may find humour in the darkest moments, and we may piss each other off.

Caring for my aunt during her last weeks was the scariest and saddest experience of my life. It was also one of the most wonderful. 

The wittiest and most generous person I’ve ever known died peacefully, surrounded by family, in precisely the way she envisioned. She is deeply missed. But as we miss her, we are consoled by the knowledge that she strongly felt her decision was vindicated, with those final weeks filled with laughter and connection and free from pain or discomfort.

We did not talk about death in my family until 2025. Now, while it remains difficult, we have a language of sorts for tackling grief and loss. We know how to better support each other through a process that no family ever plans for.

And we have my aunt to thank for showing us the way.

Zoe

Thank you so much for sharing your reflection with us, and with all of you! Always vulnerable responsibly.

Well, well, well. The time has come.

Remember that time when Hugh’s house was haunted (and Josh didn’t believe him) and Geraint the Shamanic Healer was hired to banish some entities and close some portals, changing Hugh’s entire life in the process (and Josh still didn’t believe him)?

Well, today Geraint joins us in the studio. And it gets spooky. (for everyone but Josh).

Things you can look forward to Geraint answering;

Did this newsletter make you think of someone in particular?