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Welcome to my imperfect email.
As always, every week, we’ll send a question that will help you reflect on your own imperfect life, inspired by this week’s episode.
In big news, we are introducing a new segment to our newsletter; but what’s in it for me (not me personally, but like, you guys). Basically a cheatsheet of helpful things from the episode.
This week we are joined by AFL legend Dyson Heppell who talks about how he was able to reframe and rebuild after perhaps the biggest sporting scandal, ever.
Go tiges,
Bell Northeast
is there a time in your life where you chose to reframe your situation?
We'd love to hear your answer to this question. If you're in the mood to get vulnerable and share your writing, send it through.
whatever it takes … to forgive
With Dyson Heppell
Inside the biggest scandal in sporting history, Dyson Heppell, at 23 years old, found himself at the centre with a choice to make.
A leader from the beginning of his career, Dyson was living his childhood dream playing AFL for the Essendon Bombers when everything turned upside down.
In this episode, Dyson chats to Hugh, Ryan, and Josh about his relationship with trust, his teammates and the public in the aftermath of the scandal. Reframing, and rebuilding, Dyson shares how he was able to find joy, empathy and positivity in footy, and life, again.
Hugh discusses with Dyson how he chased control through limiting calories, and finally, the guys talk about Dyson’s relationship with Harrison, and the starting of Haych the Label.
For right now
“The quickest way to freedom is forgiveness” - Dyson Heppell (47:18)
For this week
questions to ask yourself if you’re worried about your relationship with food
do I feel guilty or ashamed after eating?
do I often skip meals, fast, or over exercise to make up for eating?
do I feel anxious or out of control around food?
do I check mirrors, weigh myself or measure parts of my body often?
🦋if these questions have bought up anything for you, The Butterfly Foundation 1800 33 4673 is be a great place to seek help.
(1:21:58)
For this season of your life
Reframe the situation.
Dyson shares how he lost his love for footy because he’d been viewing himself as a ‘victim’ in the doping scandal, but through forgiveness for himself and others, he was able to reframe his attitude and find the joy again. (29:08)
describe a time when someone made you feel like you belonged?
In the last 2 and a half years I have lived with some very difficult chronic illnesses that have severely impacted my life. I went to a boarding school and was constantly relying on people to carry things for me, come with me to things, and even pick me up off the floor when I was constantly passing out.
I got to a place where I was feeling very isolated. I couldn’t do anything for myself, let alone do anything for other people, which I loved doing. I couldn’t participate in social things like I had always done. I couldn’t play sport. Some nights, I couldn’t even go to dinner in the dining hall. I didn’t feel like I belonged in my own body, let alone in my boarding community that I loved ever so dearly.
After a horrible week, I was lying on the floor next to a staff member after I had passed out. I just looked up at him crying and said, "I think it's time I leave boarding". It was the last thing I wanted to do but I just felt like such a burden on my boarding family.
He looked at me with the most confused expression. "What on earth makes you say that," he asked me. I said to him, "I don't belong here any more. I can't help other people like I used to. I can't participate in things anymore. I can't even get myself through breakfast with out relying on someone else, let alone through a whole day. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep holding everyone back. I don't feel like I belong in myself, I certainly don't belong in the boarding community".
By that point I was getting pretty emotional. I had this emotion built up in me for so long that it just all came out at once. I had mentally prepared myself to go and pack my room up that night and be gone by the next day. I will never forget what he said back to me, and I will certainly never forget how it made me feel.
"All those reasons you just listed, they're reasons why you should stay. You think you can't help other people BUT you are, you are giving other people the opportunity to help you, to repay the favour for all the times you have helped them. You think you can't participate in things anymore but that's not true. You may not be participating on the netball court or in the swimming pool, but you're cheering on from the side with everybody else who doesn't want to participate. You are participating with them in cheering. You do get yourself through each and every day, and you get everyone else through it. Some days I can't be bothered eating lunch so I think I'll just keep working but then I remember that you'll need help getting lunch so I go and then I end up eating, having fun, and helping you. 3 wins for me!
You can do this. You are doing this. You will do this. You are not holding people back. You are helping people move forward. You are teaching people new skills. You are helping people slow down every once in a while. You are helping people be grateful for the finer things in life. You belong in this community. You are at the heart of this community.
Notice how every time you go home you get a million messages from boarders asking when you're coming back. That's because they want you back. When you are gone I am constantly being asked by other boarders and staff how you are going and when you are coming back. No one ever complains about helping you because they are just so grateful that you are still here. This isn't something you choose to do and it’s not something you have any control over. We want you here. We need you here. You are not a burden. We will do whatever we can to keep you safe and to keep you here. We want you."
I just lay on the floor and all of my worries washed away. Being told you belong is one thing but having explained to you all the reasons of why you belong, is on a complete new level.
As I lay there I realized that I did belong. I realized that all the reasons I felt I didn't belong were actually reasons why I did belong. They were ways in which I made others feel as though they belonged. Not only that, but any doubt of belonging was crushed by the reminder that my spirit still had the same intentions as it always had. I hadn't decided to become lazy and isolated, I was forced by illness to rest more, often the choice was taken away from me.
That feeling has stuck with me forever. If I ever doubted it I would look back on my week for reasons of belonging. Sometimes I would get random emails from the staff member saying "You can't control this. You belong here" and that would just make it even better.
I graduated later that year with my boarding family and they were with me every step of the way, I am so glad that I was shown that I belonged. I wouldn't have made it to where I am today if I hadn't have been. I hope that one day I can make someone feel that they belong the same way that staff member made me feel that I belonged.
Thank you to Annie for getting vulnerable and sharing their reflection with us, and with all of you!
Always vulnerable responsibly.
You’re currently reading my imperfect email, but have you heard of my imperfect life?
From The Imperfects universe (we are definitely not cool enough to say that) comes a new type of journal …….. or is it a novel …….. written by you?
Either way, it’s the only novel journal that’ll help celebrate your imperfects, and get you in touch with your vulny side.
With 100 questions inspired by episodes from the show, this novel journal will encourage you to reflect on and unpack your own imperfect life.
And, if you feel up for it, share your answer to any of the questions with us here. Who knows, it might just be your best work yet.
Did this newsletter make you think of someone in particular?