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Welcome to my imperfect email.

Quick question:

Would you rather: hang out with Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Epictetus, or Hugh, Ryan and Josh (from the podcast)?

Well, because we love you, this episode features wisdom from all six, PLUS practical translations of the Stoic lessons from none other than Ryan Holiday.

Memento mori,

Bell

We'd love to hear your answer. If you're in the mood to get vulnerable and share your writing, send it through.

Using the wisdom of the past to appreciate the present, Ryan’s work is dedicated to communicating how the practicalities of stoic philosophy can help us lead more present, mindful and resilient lives today.

In this incredible chat, Hugh, Josh and Ryan (our Ryan), each present Ryan Holiday with something they have been struggling with in their own lives. Through the lens of Stoic philosophers Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Epictetus, Ryan Holiday shares how stoicism can

help us to live into our values, prioritise presence, and deal with existential dread.

We discuss with Ryan the importance of understanding what will actually make you happy (spoiler: it’s not a billion dollars), and how to reframe death as a reminder that we must appreciate every moment (or not waste anymore with shame and guilt).

This episode, and its practical take-aways (which you can find listed below!), has been a long time coming.

“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think” - Marcus Aurelius (53:18 - 54:49)

_{If this was the last time you were doing something, such as helping your three-year-old put on their shoes, how would you do it?}

“He who is not satisfied with a little, is satisfied with nothing” - Epictetus (54:54 - 57:32)

_{What little thing do you appreciate about today?}

“To be everywhere is to be nowhere” - Seneca (57:37 - 1:00:36)

_{When you’re on your social media, you are everywhere all at once. Put aside some time to be away from your phone and present in the moment, even if emotions of discomfort arise.}

“We should take walks outdoors so that the mind might be nourished and refreshed” - Seneca (1:00:38 - 1:06:39)

_{Go for a bored walk (walk without your phone / music / headphones).}

_{BONUS QUOTE “The mind must be given relaxation. It will rise improved and sharper after a good break. Just as rich fields must not be forced - for they will quickly lose their fertility if never given a break - so constant work on the anvil will fracture the force of the mind. But it regains its powers if it is set free and relaxed for a while. Constant work gives rise to a certain kind of dullness and feebleness in the rational soul” - Seneca}

“Throw out your conceited opinions for it is impossible for a person to begin to learn what he thinks he already knows” - Epictetus (1:06:47 - 1:09:57)

_{What needless conflict can you choose to avoid today?}

Or send them your unique signup link: {{rp_refer_url}}

Purpose is a concept I've spent most of my 20s struggling with.

I spent my childhood and adolescence as a high achieving and accomplished student. That was the most profound sense of purpose I've ever felt. The gratification and praise of another good score or grade was like an IV straight into my veins, pumping me full of pride. Knowing I'd further enforced my value to my teachers, my family members, strangers. Knowing I served a purpose.

I vividly remember the comedown after I left school. I didn't know what I wanted to do, so I did nothing. My scores would've granted me entry to any course, but instead I nervously avoided the decision, fearful of making the wrong one. As it turns out, making no decision is still a decision. Fast forward three years and I was still in my high school retail job.

So, academics and career? Not my purpose.

I was always the girl who dreamed of being a mum. My partner and I had agreed that we would be married by 25, kids by 27. Done by 30. Add in a house and a golden retriever and the equation was done.

I was 25 when I first considered that kids might not be for me. I joke now that my pre-frontal cortex fully developed and I realised the enormity of the task. I also became acutely aware of the reality - I had no village, no extended family, or close friends nearby. I also struggled with my mental health, and I was a huge risk factor for post-natal mental illness. After years of contemplation, I realised that having kids seemed good in theory, but it wasn't a viable path for me.

So, motherhood and family? Not my purpose.

I turn 30 this week, and I'm meeting every cliche in the book with my existentialism and contemplation around purpose. My 18-year-old self would, honestly, be disappointed with where I am now. Working a job that pays the bills but doesn't fill my cup. No spouse or kids. A too-small apartment because that's all I could afford. Still living in the same small town.

I'd love to turn this around by telling you all the ways I find purpose in the absence of these conventional milestones. The reality is, I'm still working on it. Each day I work to unlearn what society has always taught us about what makes a life meaningful. 

Each day, at Hugh's suggestion, I (try to) (when I remember) write down three good things that have happened. Not 'what I'm grateful for', but just little glimmers.

I've realised that my purpose is in the quiet moments. The pockets of time that might go unnoticed by others who don't have the time or the awareness to notice.

The excitement from my dog when I get home from work. An awesome session at the gym with my favourite trainer. Swimming in the ocean with new friends on a Sunday morning. The feeling of urgency to get back to a good book. Conversations with dear friends that transcend small talk.

I've stopped setting goals for myself of what I want my life to look like. I've realised that they often don't eventuate for all kinds of reasons, many of which are out of my control or were a needed diversion. Instead, I choose to trust that my life serves purpose each day by acknowledging the beauty in the small stuff, being a kind person, and appreciating that we're here for such a short time and we are owed nothing, so I'll (try to) enjoy it all.

Or, you know, GEM. That too. :)

Alicia

Thank you so much for sharing your reflection with us, and with all of you! Always vulnerable responsibly.

On our latest episode of A Little More Imperfects, Josh brought in Alain de Botton’s How Proust Can Change Your Life, to talk about, well, how it changed his life.

This Book Club got deep, as Josh discussed what this book meant to him when he was younger, and how he can use it to reflect on his self-esteem now.

It also sparks a discussion between Hugh and Josh, and the fallacy of the perfect brother.

Did this newsletter make you think of someone in particular?