what do you deeply value and how do you know?

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Welcome to my imperfect email.

As always, every week, we’ll send a question that will help you reflect on your own imperfect life, inspired by this week’s episode.

Back in the Academy of Imperfection with friend of the show Kemi Nekvapil, we’re getting into the nitty gritty of values; how to choose yours, what pitfalls to be aware of, and how we came up with our values for The Imperfects (with the help of Kemi, of course).

Valuably yours,

Bell

We'd love to hear your answer to this question. If you're in the mood to get vulnerable and share your writing, send it through.

Extending from our previous values episode with Dr Em, Kemi talks through with Hugh, Ryan and Josh how their current personal values are working in their life.

Introducing terms such as val-rules, aspirational values and umbrella values, Kemi walks the guys through the difference between manipulation and modelling, and why the hard work starts AFTER we’ve chosen our values.

In a peak behind the metaphorical (and literal, hi Producer Bridge) curtain, we discuss what went down in our company values session with Kemi, and how these values come into play for The Imperfects team.

“So many people do values work and they make it about ‘who I should be’, ‘who I hope to be’, as opposed to what are the things that will have me lead a life that resonates with who I am” - Kemi Nekvapil (15:28-15:42)

^{In choosing your values, Kemi stresses the importance of finding values that don’t feel like a reach.}

Reflect on what gets you annoyed, frustrated or irritated. How could this reveal what you truly value? (28:55-30:05)

^{A good litmus test for understanding your values is thinking about situations where you have felt irritated or triggered by someone’s behaviour.}

Think about the best day you’ve ever had. What were you doing? Who was there? What made it special? What does this reveal about what you value? (7:00-8:20)

^{When journaling about a great day she had, Kemi reflects that it was the result of making decisions in alignment with her values that filled her with joy and contentment.}

I lost my partner, Nikola to suicide in July last year. Even though it was not that long ago, it has been a long journey from that point until who I am and where I am today. The experience completely changes who I am as a person and my outlook on life. The days, weeks and months after her passing I was in complete shock and self blamed (if only I was there to stop her) and ask a lot of the Why questions.

As I didn't know anyone that had been impacted by suicide at the time, I was feeling very lonely and did not know how to process the grief and stop the self blaming. That was until my housemate gave me the StandBy support pamphlet and I reached out. The voice of the support worker on the other end of the phone was like an angel and warm, I immediately felt like they lifted me up and cuddled me. Two days later, two support workers from StandBy turned up at my house and sat with me for hours to comfort and support me. They also gave me materials to read about suicide bereavement which helped to answer most of my questions surrounding suicide.

What comforted me after reading these materials is learning that mental health illness can kill, society need to start seeing this illness alike to cancer, it is an illness that while we try our best to save someone, sometimes it is not enough. More awareness need to be raised about this silent killer. 

StandBy Support continued to check in with me days, weeks, months and year down the road. I am very grateful for their support and was amazed that this service is offered to those impacted by suicide for free. It is a great initiative backed by the government. I want to say a massive thank you to StandBy Support who have been by myside since the day I reached out.

StandBy Support also referred me Suicide Bereavement Support Group, a local support group ran by those who have lost loved ones to suicide, those with lived experience. We meet monthly, on the 3rd Wednesday of every month. This has been a great source of support to me while I am navigating my healing journey. 

I have also been reading and educating myself more about mental health illness through reading and listening to podcasts such as The Imperfects. Listening to episodes like Lauren Zonfrillo and Gina Chick, seeing how they have navigated their grief journeys and keep the stories of their loved ones alive. So thank you for what you guys do and keep up the awesome work that you are doing! 

Since Nikola's passing, I am now a lot more patience with myself, have a lot more empathy toward myself as well as others and the big one is I am not afraid to show my vulnerability. I have cried a lot in the last year, at home by myself, on the train to work and in public places and I wouldn't be where I am on my healing journey today without those big cries.

I know that one day I will see Nikola again in heaven, but in the meantime, I will continue her stories, keep her memories alive through visiting her favourite places, listening to her favourite songs and cooking her favourite meals. I still say goodnight to her every night before bed as a bedtime ritual.

Hai

Hai’s beautiful reflection was discussed in this week’s A Little More Imperfects episode. Follow this link to see it here.

Always vulnerable responsibly.

This week on A Little More Imperfects

You like jazz?

We didn’t plan to talk about it, but here with are, instructions and convenient costumes included. If we have time in and around the jazz talk, we’ll give an update on Hugh’s ghost journey.

An exciting announcement, Ryan is dabbling in the visual arts and putting on his very own exhibition! If you’re in Melbourne, and feeling like being inundated with Ryan’s sense of humour in a physical space, go and check it out (and it’s free, unlike this episode).

Ryan (gently) yanks a reflection out of the pond, Hugh ad-libs an interlude (get it, ad-libs), and we discuss whether ghosts come through portals or portholes.

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