Were you forwarded this email? Sign up here to get the next edition!
Welcome to my imperfect email.
As always, every week, we’ll send a question that will help you reflect on your own imperfect life, inspired by this week’s episode.
The Vulnerabilitea House relocated to Manchester this week to welcome Mary Fowler; perhaps the wisest 22 year old to ever walk the earth.
I’m not Messi-ing around,
Bell
Bell Northeast
what do you worry about the most?
We'd love to hear your answer to this question. If you're in the mood to get vulnerable and share your writing, send it through.
Forgiving Yourself-Harm
With Mary Fowler
We’re nervous. We’re excited. We’re nervous and excited. Because it’s Mary freaking Fowler day.
Joining us in the Vulnerabilitea House, all the way from Manchester, Mary answers the question ‘what do you worry about the most?’
With wisdom far beyond her 22 years, Mary explains to Hugh, Ryan and Josh the impossible task of being the ‘perfect’ role model, especially when you are still growing up yourself.
And then, in a conversation that will help many, and maybe even save the life of a few, Mary graciously shares her experiences with self-harm, and why she thinks it is so important to have the heavy conversations, even with the risk of saying the wrong thing.
Mary talks about her journey with pressure and forgiveness that lead her to rediscover ‘Little Mary’, her wall of things that make her feel loved, and how she has been able to reframe her darkest times to find more empathy for others.
For right now
“the beauty after pain is that you understand people so much better” (1:03:15-1:04:28)
After coming through her darkest times, Mary found she was more empathetic for those around her who might be struggling as well.
For this week
Savour the things that make you smile. (35:15-36:13)
During a very difficult time playing football for Montpellier in France, Mary found beauty in the art on her morning coffee and the buildings she walked past. By appreciating the little things around her, Mary managed to survive.
For this season of your life
Ask for help. (39:55-40:19 + 53:33-54:35)
At first, Mary didn’t ask for help, but it’s something she’s learnt to do regularly now. After speaking to a psychologist, Mary was able to understand why her thoughts appear as they do, and she developed protective strategies to deal with them.
Want to know what you value? Our very own psychologist, Dr Emily has created a simple guide to help you uncover your values.
And because we value you so much, we’re going to give it to you for free.*
*All you have to do is share this newsletter with just one other person.
As soon as they sign up, you’ll get the worksheet straight in your inbox.
Or send them your unique signup link: {{rp_refer_url}}
what experiences from childhood influence how you communicate? does this communication style still serve you?
Growing up, I kept a lot of things to myself.
In my family, we didn’t talk much about emotions. It felt like being open or vulnerable was either uncomfortable or not really welcome. I learned to keep the peace, read the room, and adjust who I was depending on what was expected. I became good at pleasing others and avoiding conflict, but not so good at expressing what I actually needed or felt.
That early experience shaped the way I communicate today. I tend to hold things in. I find it hard to ask for help or speak up when something is bothering me.
I often wait until I feel overwhelmed, and by then, things might come out more emotionally charged than I intended. I also tend to rationalise my feelings in the moment instead of actually feeling them, which creates a build-up that turns into resentment later.
I am realising now that this communication style doesn't serve me the way it used to. It helped me avoid discomfort and rejection in the past, but it stops me from being fully present and connected in my relationships.
I want to show up more openly, but fear of rejection and overthinking often hold me back. Even small things like sending a message, opening emails, or having a hard conversation can make me feel anxious or sick.
So I am trying to change. I want to learn how to name things (particularly emotions) as they come up, even if it feels hard or messy. I want to build a communication style that is honest, kind, and balanced. One that allows me to ask for what I need without guilt, and to express emotions without shutting down.
Reece
Thank you so much to Reece for sharing their reflection with us, and with all of you! Always vulnerable responsibly.
Get that wrapping paper ready, because golly, do we have a stocking-filler for you.
For the man who has everything but can’t answer anything.
Limited edition Vulnerabilitea House Cards, for men. Exactly the same as the regular set but with “mate” written on every card. So blokes can get vulnerable as well.
Did this newsletter make you think of someone in particular?