what experiences have impacted how you feel about your health?

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Welcome to my imperfect email.

As always, every week, we’ll send a question that will help you reflect on your own imperfect life, inspired by this week’s episode.

According to my grandma, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. But what if it doesn’t? And what if I eat a bad apple? And what if my body changes and apples aren’t good for me anymore?

Those ‘what if’s’ can spiral fast, especially if you have health anxiety.

In this Catch-22 of a Dr Emisode, we’re talking about how our fear of getting seriously sick can impact our quality of life.

Feel better soon,

Bell

We'd love to hear your answer to this question. If you're in the mood to get vulnerable and share your writing, send it through.

Back in the studio with our resident psychologist Dr Emily Musgrove, we’re going to unpack this perpetual state of worry; how it’s exacerbated by our fight or flight response, how to respond when someone’s seeking assurance and how to surf the urge and sit with your discomfort.

Josh, being Josh, asks some hard hitting questions about accepting the certainty of death, and Dr Em talks through what it looks like to be so fearful of dying that it’s stopping you from living.

Of course, we don’t ever want people to stop getting checked out by a medical professional. This episode is focused on untangling what is worry, what is excessive worry, and when is it reasonable.

If you’re feeling anxious, how can you be okay right now? (42:46-46:32)

^{When you’re anxious, imagining an anxiety free future feels impossible. Instead, Dr Em recommends grounding practices such as breath work, mindful meditation and mindful walking to bring yourself back to the present moment.}

Surf the urge. (45:33-50:06)

^{Using a heap of self-compassion, are you able to notice the urge to reassurance seek but not react to it straight away?}

Accept uncertainty. (39:50-41:52)

^{Anxiety thrives on uncertainty and unfortunately for us, the one constant about our health is that it’s uncertain. In this episode, Dr Em shares skills to help you break free of constant worry, and how to know when it’s time to seek professional help.}

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I have thought a lot about this question over the years through the lens of how to show up for someone who is experiencing grief, in a way that’s truly helpful. Over the years, through trial and much error, I have worked out that there are a couple of things worth considering in trying to land this plane well.

Firstly, is the person in need an introvert or an extrovert? I’m an introvert, and at one stage, when I had experienced bereavement, someone came by to sit with me. And she just sat quietly for what seemed like a long time. And I wanted her to go away, but in my fog I couldn’t work out how to ask her (kindly to leave). Another friend came that same week. She knocked on the door and said, “I’m not coming in, but here’s a meal that you can eat tonight or freeze for another time and I love you.” She handed me that meal, gave me a hug and left. The second friend did the truly meaningful thing for me.

Putting the shoe on the other foot, at another time I dropped by to a bereaved friend with a meal and said, "I'm not coming in, but here's a meal that you can eat tonight or freeze for another time and I love you." I gave her a hug and was about to leave when she said, "Come in for a cup of tea." I said I wouldn't, she asked again, I declined again and left, thinking I had done the right thing by giving my friend some space. Down the track my (very extroverted) friend told me she had been genuine in her invitation and that she had been going mad alone in the house all day. Know your friend's needs for people or space.

The second thing to consider is your friend's love language - words, time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. If I were to rate those from one to five, with five being the most important, gifts for me would get minus 10!! But I like words and I thrive on acts of service. So if you write me a letter (words that are written, not spoken, because I'm that introverted!) or mow the lawn for me when I am up against it, I will love you forever. 

There are other things like timing (give flowers down the track, when the first rush of flowers, help and sympathy have finished and everything has gone quiet) and consider expectations within the relationship and the season each person is in (I loved how Ryan sent funny videos and Josh babysat one of Hugh's kids - but that Hugh didn't expect either to overreach given the person, their personality or their own current set of circumstances because we all bring different things at different times to the table in our tapestry of relationships). 

There's no formula for getting it 100% right. Sometimes we say or do too much or too little. Even what works one day might not work the next. But I have found these things helpful in improving my strike rate. 

Love your work guys. Make sure you all look after yourselves. We want you to play the long game.

Meredith

Thank you so much to Meredith for sharing their reflection with us, and with all of you! Always vulnerable responsibly.

That’s right, baby. We are CURRENTLY on tour, with a brand new live show Together Again.

Like the last show, this isn’t a live podcast record, but a stage show extravaganza mixing vulnerability, humour and authenticity (and signing and dancing and a game show).

Geelong, Tassie, Adelaide - definitely our top 3 crowds (so far).

Melbourne, Sydney, Canberra, Perth, Gold Coast, Brisbane and Newcastle, we can’t wait to see you soon!

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