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Welcome to my imperfect email.
As always, every week, we’ll send a question that will help you reflect on your own imperfect life, inspired by this week’s episode.
This week, we are joined by Karissa Lewis, a lived experience practitioner who works with families and communities in the aftermath of a suicide. In people’s darkest moments, Karissa brings light, hope, and sometimes even a little bit of laughter.
You are so loved,
Bell
Bell Northeast
what is a way that you have grown around grief?
We'd love to hear your answer to this question. If you're in the mood to get vulnerable and share your writing, send it through.
“We’re Not Better Off Without You”
With Karissa Lewis
Suicide is the leading cause of death for Australians aged 15 to 44.
On average in Australia, 9 people die by suicide each day and for every suicide, it is suggested 135 people find themselves in the impact zone.
Today we speak to Karissa Lewis, a lived experience practitioner, who sits with those in perhaps their darkest moment, in the hours, days and weeks after someone they know has died by suicide.
We discuss what a lived experience practitioner is, how it is professionalised, and how postvention (done well) is the most incredible prevention.
Going into specifics, Ryan asks Karissa what the impact zone is like in a school environment, and how you can know what to say, what to do, and how to talk to children about suicide with honesty and age-appropriate language.
Karissa is candid with Hugh, Ryan, and Josh about the stigma of suicide, which prompts Josh to share a story about the complicated nature of the word ‘choice’. And we get some scientific evidence of the power of a good cry.
Life is not better off without you.
For right now
“You need to feel to heal” Karissa Lewis (1:18:43)
Talking about trauma and vicarious trauma, Karissa delivers an important reminder.
For this week
Show up for someone in a way that is meaningful for them. (46:41-47:04)
People need different things at different times, as Karissa points out. Asking friends how you can support them, in a way that would be meaningful for them, can be a great first step. It might look like cooking someone a dinner, folding their laundry, or watching 4 seasons of Friends in silence.
For this season of your life
Create a psychological safety plan, and show it to someone you love. (1:00:21-1:02:35)
This plan helps those who spend time with you identify if you are feeling a bit off, or need some more support. Beyond Now is a great app which can help you develop this.
what is your soul yearning for?
What is my soul yearning for? Purpose and peace.
My childhood was chaotic, angry and violent. My twenties were spent trying to achieve what others expected of me, that they told me would be fulfilling and bring meaning and most importantly success. When I was left feeling empty and lost, the depression that I had tried to keep at bay finally caught up and engulfed me.
The well asked questions of “what’s the point” and “why am I here” were daily occurrences despite being reassured by a loving husband and having 3 wonderful children. I tried to do things that would inspire me, I got really into cakes and nearly bought my own cake shop!! But when that fell through I felt I had no hope, was useless, was not important.
But then I found therapy. A close friend sent me to her psychologist and I cried solidly for 1.5 hours in that first session. But it was the first time I had really felt heard. After 6 months of weekly sessions and some amazing group therapy, I found what my soul was yearning for.
I found inner peace, the space to be compassionate to myself and others, to stop fighting and to just be. Peace isn’t about not having conflict, it’s about being able to go through the tough things knowing that I will survive just by being, not having to fight for survival.
I also found my purpose. I spent the next 8 years doing the undergraduate, honours and masters to become a psychologist myself. My purpose is to help others, to know they aren’t alone, and to find peace. I found renewed purpose as a mother and wife, to just be there and sit in the pain and discomfort, to be waiting for when they need me, not to push, direct and expect.
My soul will always yearn for purpose and peace, even though I might have already found it. We never know what life is going to throw at us. But if I can always find a purpose and peace with what has happened, maybe I will not just survive but also thrive.
Thank you Inge for getting vulnerable and sharing your reflection with us!
Always vulnerable responsibly.
This week on A Little More Imperfects . . .
Brrrrrrr. Is it cold in here? Hugh certainly thinks so with his “beanie comb over”.
Annyywaayyy today we present you to a combo deal in our advertising segment of the show, because what’s more annoying than having to buy one thing at a time.
We pull a reflection out of the reflection pond, which makes Josh cry for a second time this week, and prompts a discussion on perhaps the most popular topic on the internet: parenting guilt.
In a wry twist, Ryan introduces a new segment, The Perfect, not to be confused with our podcast, The Imperfects (or the baked good, a Ry Twist, which is Ryan Shelton twisted into a piece of bread).
This new segment includes Josh’s empathy, Hugh’s ability to be present and Ryan’s ……… bottom?
Did this newsletter make you think of someone in particular?