what would your 'inner fan' say about who you are?

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Welcome to my imperfect email.

As always, every week, we’ll send a question that will help you reflect on your own imperfect life, inspired by this week’s episode.

We are back for some fun in the sun. That’s right, it’s summer bonus time.

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We'd love to hear your answer to this question. If you're in the mood to get vulnerable and share your writing, send it through.

Welcoming you into the world of A Little More Imperfects, our subscriber-based platform available on Patreon and Apple Podcasts, our resident psychologist Dr Emily reaches into the reflection pond, to discuss and decode a reflection from one of our community members.

Responding to this reflection, Dr Emily chats to Ryan, Josh, and special guest Producer Bridge, about how life changing it can be to receive an ADHD diagnosis, as well as the not so joyful emotions, such as grief and anger, which can accompany this.

Josh talks about his own inner critic, which leads into a broader discussion about self-compassion, top down vs bottom up therapy, and the therapeutic benefits to showing up for your younger self as the adult you are today.

Don’t say we don’t spoil you.

Enjoy this Dr Emily guided mindfulness activity to elicit the feelings we’d like to have more of. (40:32-44:30)

Find your positive “evidence”. (38:40-39:16)

^{Our pesky inner critic is excellent at finding “evidence” that we are not good at something, or not worthy of something. Even though it might feel like there’s nothing positive to be found, it can be helpful to start an intentional effort to look for “evidence” in the other direction. Trust us, if you continue to look, you’ll find some.}

Write your life story from your inner fan. (27:43-28:15)

^{Our inner critic is often responsible for narrating the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, so this exercise*, inspired by our episode with Ben Crowe,, allows you to flip the script.}

^{*if you struggle to offer yourself compassion, this exercise may be confronting, so please take care.}

Or send them your unique signup link: {{rp_refer_url}}

Joey here. First time reflection-pond-sender and long time patreon subscriber.

I've just listened to Dave Hughes' ep and wanted to send in a reflection based off of some of the things discussed, if that's okay.

Here is my reflection:

A couple of years ago in Newcastle, I was cast in 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' in my first live production as an adult where I played Demetrius, one of the lovers. 

We were tasked with creating an outfit in the style of what we think our character would dress like. At the early stages of rehearsing, I interpreted Demetrius as a very disingenuous person; I dressed him/myself in what I imagined a 'manipulative male' would wear. It was very much a reflection of my attitudes towards the character, as if I imagined him as someone who was outside of, or anti-thetical to myself.

We took a break in rehearsing, and over that time something changed for me. I started asking myself why I was so against Demetrius, or what annoyed me about him.

When I was young, I grew up in quite a hostile environment with little emotional support, without getting into the details. As a result, I spent a majority of my teenage-hood experiencing conflict in many close relationships. The type of person I was, was reactive, hurtful to others, and probably had a lot of problems around 'ego'. 

I definitely felt like there was a link between the dislike I had for Demetrius, and the rejection I had for that part of myself. I can't remember the exact moment, but I remember making an intention of myself going forward playing this character, that it was my sole duty as an actor to love this character; to embrace Demetrius with compassion and curiosity.

I'm not totally sure if this helped with my performance, I'm definitely not saying it was perfect! But it did give me a huge sense that it unlocked something for me personally, or maybe playing him with this intention gave me a sense of self-forgiveness.

I tell this story because I think it's really shaped my understanding of 'ego'. When I hear people talk about it, I often hear this big sense of rejection or abandonment of self, as if those aware of it have transcended from it simply by being aware. 

As an active participant in the world, I can definitely see when someone is being more selfish, obnoxious, or acting from a place of an elevated 'ego', but I think I'd like to challenge the notion of the term. 

Too often, the way I feel like people use the word 'ego' just translates to 'this person is acting in a way that reminds me of my own repressed parts'. But what if instead of branding it as 'ego' and moving on, we instead saw it as a part of ourselves to be treated with compassion? (This is the framework of the therapeutic model my own therapist uses, Internal Family Systems).

This also feels like a patriarchal issue, too. While women aren't immune to hurting others or acting from 'ego', I feel like statistically, you're way more likely to find this behaviour coming from men. (I don't often catch myself thinking "wow, she had so much ego.")

Anyway, I mean all this to say, all of these parts of ourselves are not separate to who we are.

I hope this doesn't sound like a complaint towards Dave Hughes or anyone on the pod, I was really inspired by the chat and wanted to share my thoughts (it just accidentally came out in the length of an essay). 

Thanks for reading, and I hope my thoughts have helped challenge some ideas we have when discussing the ego. While none of us are ever beyond the potential for harming another, I strongly believe that no part of us is worth abandoning.

Warm regards,
Joey, big fan :)

Thank you so much to Joey for sharing their reflection with us, and with all of you! Always vulnerable responsibly.

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